As I think about what I would like to learn this year and the ways in which I want to grow, the true control freak in me is thinking about how to put these in to concrete measurable goals. I've found so much support and inspiration in the online sewing community and for the first time, I think it's time that I start stepping outside of my comfort zone (in many areas actually). I'm such a concrete person, and I think in many ways that also shows up in what I create. I like geometrics, straight lines, precision and I think this is often reflected in my fabric choices in my projects. It's my comfort zone. A very structured and predictable comfort zone.
I feel like with each completed project, I improve and I grow. I learn a new skills, I see a different way to solve a problem. I become more abstract in my thinking. As much as I thought this would be uncomfortable, it's been refreshing for me. Initially, I followed patterns, because it's what's "known", I didn't have to worry about whether something will work, and even if I thought I could do it in a different way that would be for easier for me, I didn't because I'm afraid I would mess it up. Lately when following patterns, if I have thought my way would work better for me, I just did it. And you know what? It worked. That probably seems insignificant, but to me it was assurance that I could do something that was outside the box. Maybe I just did have some idea of what I was doing after all.
I am starting to think in terms of what I would like to do, not in terms of what I think I "can" do. And you know what, it's actually a lot less scary than I thought. I'm by no means an expert, or even close to it, but I realize that if I want to learn something, the only person stopping me is myself.
So, as we roll into this year, I've got a changed outlook on what I am capable of doing. I have had this fear of quilting, because I'm not good enough to quilt. I've never made a quilt, so by default I just can't. Guess what? I'm going to make a quilt, I'm going to make a perfectly imperfect quilt and that's ok. I'll make a quilt.
I'm also going to make more clothes for myself, because I CAN. Will I mess up? Yep. Will they be perfect? Nope. And I've finally come to realize that's perfectly ok.
I'm going to do those things that I said I wasn't good enough to. I'm going to mess up, and I'm going to learn from those mistakes. So, that is my goal for this year. To be good enough to allow myself to mess up, and embrace that as a part of the process...maybe even the most important part of the process. Which, as my fellow type As can agree, may be the hardest goal of all. Sometimes it's ok to do something even if you know it's not going to be perfect.
To everyone out there that wonders if they can do something? You can, you absolutely can. The message to myself and to everyone else who says they can't or they are afraid, is that sometimes you have to realize that imperfections are what make it beautiful after all.
Happy Valentines day :)
